the fingers of your thoughts are molding your face ceaselessly

you know, I don't think the justice league could have come from any other country than america. I'm studying american dominance and whether it is an empire for my international relations paper, right, and so much of it resonates with what I know of the JLA. for instance, check out this sentence-

In a new era where old forms of deterrence and traditional assumptions about threats no longer held, it was up to America to impose its own form of peace on a disorderly world: to fight the savage war of peace so as to protect and enlarge the empire of liberty (Boot, 2002)

heh it reminds me of one of the Justice League (Unlimited) episodes (season 2, episode 22, Flashpoint) where Lex Luthor hacks into their tower, turns it into a giant nuclear weapon, fires it and the entire world subsequently fears them- and they simply cannot understand why. Superman really didn't get it, his complete and utter inability to understand where everyone else was coming from was quite laughably sad. Batman on the other hand, being one of the few non-powered heroes in the League, totally got it. I think the Green Arrow got it too.

...er I lost my train of thought, but I think my point was something along the lines of I really do think the JLA is a good metaphor for America in the international system. superman even more so; I remember having a conversation about whether superman or captain america was more 'american', and concluding that captain america was more what america is (what it actually does), and superman more what america wants to be (the lofty idealistic version). because capt seems more gritty and realistic, having to deal with military stuff, top secret things, politics, human-made wars; superman is in a class of his own, is the leader of the world's superpowers and helps others benevolently while guarding the world against twisted villains with warped ways of thinking. if you'll excuse the sometimes-false dichotomy I think it's largely true!

also I don't think the x-men could have come from China (for example) either, but I'm still working on that explanation. :P possibly it has to do with a much lower tolerance for minority groups and a tendency to crackdown/radicalisation? so the mutant-human divide (especially with radical groups like the Brotherhood and the firepower they have) would more probably have erupted into a civil war or extremely unstable and volatile situation, rather than continued to exist and simmer within a state?

(but I wouldn't make that statement unequivocally because I know very little about China .__. the impression I have of China is full of fire, pride, stern strength, steel and dragons. mind you, this mostly comes from isolated historical episodes and period drama episodes. :P)

augh it is so hard to study for history. it's ideas, concepts, overarching arguments you need to get in your head, not facts, and these are a whole lot less solid, more nebulous, difficult to grasp- like smoke. but it's not smoke, because when properly controlled they can make very powerful essays; but to put them in your head, keep them there and train yourself to be able to flexibly twist these around to answer a whole array of questions, angles, and then do all this in a very limited time under a whole lot of pressure- it's hard, to say the least. and furthermore a lot of it is down to what you do during the exam itself, because you can study well and still be unable to perform. actually, I think this applies to a large majority of the social sciences as well. but not law- or at least, not the stuff I'm studying in my international law module anyway.

ps: I know I'm also probably watching too much tv when I read the sentence "Neither Paris not London understood the essential dual function of Hitler’s colonial demands", and my first thought is that Paris and London are girls. AAAAAAH

I realise while I may do well in school this will not carry over to my working life simply because of why I am doing well in school. I am good at making revision notes and can write good essays after like, extensive research and time spent neatly structuring my argument and points and searching for evidence. but this also means that I won't do as well during the exams because I don't have the luxury of time and elegance, and even more so that I am horrible doing things on the fly. so when I am, say, rushing out an article before offstone or trying to come up with questions on the spot for a newsmaker when the prepared questions turn out to have been irrelevant I won't be using these school skills.

and I tend to go deep rather than wide when I am covering a topic, the former to the latter's expense, but right journalists are supposed to have insane general knowledge because they have to cover a wide range of stuff (until you carve out a niche for yourself anyway, and even then. haha I can hear one of my editors' voice booming MASTER OF ALL TRADES!! MASTER OF ALL TRADES!!) anyway the point is, I am horrible off the cuff!! ): maybe this means I am better at editorials and like, economist-type content & analysis articles but haha that is and probably will stay far beyond my level. gwargh this will have to be fixed

AUUUGH the module I want to take next year isn't being offered next year!!!!! ): ): ): ): (I only get to choose one module next year and that was the one I really, really wanted to do. The other one I quite wanted to do isn't being offered next year EITHER. ): ): and there doesn't seem to be all that much else I'm interested in. SIGH.)

1. Do readings
2. Write summaries for each readings
3. Refer to summaries and compile the relevant arguments and evidence into a general essay outline
4. Refine essay outline, organising and enhancing overall argument
5. Write essay from outline

I feel so precognitive reading my IR readings on American influence and foreign policy dated around 2002- especially the ones projecting that because of 911, America will become really multilateral and scale back the whole 'stepping on other countries' toes and barging past institutions and going its own way' thing. I'm all no, really! I know what's going to happen next! want spoilers? IT BEGINS WITH I

this week's Naruto chapter sounds incredibly like my IR essay questions hahaha. "Nothing has done more to further the cause of peace in the world than the invention of weapons of mass destruction". Discuss.

I have concluded that my favourite topic area ever is decolonisation and nationalism at large, and that my favourite subject area is international history (and I do mean international) in the 20th century.

I have also concluded that actually, my ideal degree in LSE would have been not IR but IR and history, because there's more focus on international history than what I will get in the subsequent two years in pure IR ): but I at least still get to do history though! :)

my other epiphany is that I love history because I like understanding why things happened the way they happened. by extension, I also like IR kinda because it's explaining why things are happening in the world the way they do, just that it's a bit more current than history. which makes a lot of sense, because I've always been quite a retrospective person, and I absolutely love thinking and rethinking about my past actions, why I did them, my motivations at the time and deeper underlying attitudes, and how they affect my present and future. history is a very me subject.

I guess in a way science is also about explaining systems in the natural world, but those kind of systems hold a lot less interest for me- I like states and political actors a whole lot better, because they're more responsive and more unpredictable, more human, more identifiable and less abstract. and it's also really, really cool when you see repercussions from the past affecting the present, which is why I like 20th century history specifically- it's closer to the present, the ripple effect is still going on, it's easier to see the consequences on the present, I can still feel it and am part of it.

reading about existentialism is frankly incredibly, incredibly fascinating.

reading it is like swimming; my lungs were not made for it and I have to continually take deep breaths and dive under and strive to progress, but it feels really nice to move through the words, somehow refreshing and soothing and different although it's a totally foreign element from my natural one, the one I have been born into.

but oh my, I don't agree at all that it's optimistic because it's a doctrine of action and declares that man's destiny is in his own hands. it's precisely because it declares that man's destiny is in his own hands that I think it's pessimistic, because I don't place much confidence or hope at all in mankind. I think I'm inherently pessimistic regarding mankind and I do think we need a higher power to save us from ourselves.

okay I feel like I need to take a breather from working on philosophy. for all my love for international relations and history, there just isn't anything like studying philosophy. no other subject reaches quite so far down, right to the very core of my being, and makes me think and reflect quite like philosophy. I may not enjoy it most of the time, but I do think it's a necessary subject to take. one shouldn't and can't shy away from something like this.

can I just say that I find it incredible awesome that the dates in my IR essay are so RECENT? like you know how history essays used to be...1908 kartini schools (making this one up), 1932 thai bloodless revolution, 1950 korean war, 1972 simla accord etc? my IR essay dates are...1967 cuban missile crisis, 1991 gulf war, 2007 operation orchard, 2008 south ossetian war. with the exception of the first the rest happened while I WAS ALIVE. (well I am alive but you know what I mean.) :D

edit: WIKIALITY

( wtf???? )

this week, I realise, is actually a good week. nice thing after nice thing has happened to me. this is quite heartening. :)

- Monday afternoon I went for lunch with IR classmates
- Monday night I went to watch les miserables, which was wonderful, and saved a lot on the ticket
- Tuesday night I finished my essay in a burst of productivity
- Wednesday early morning Obama won the election
- Wednesday afternoon I went for walk and extended lunch with another IR classmate (and before that a woman ran out to tell me my hair was great before asking me to be a guinea pig for hairdresser training lol)
- Wednesday evening I got a box of free sushi

:) see? plus it is excellent that I can get to know people from other countries, this is what I wanted to come here for. I like the nature of my IR coursemates, how they've this interest in the world and in other countries- inevitably we end up talking about what our own country is like and then asking about the other person's country in our conversations- a touch of wide-eyedness and idealism and enthusiasm for the world.

▪ I have officially now seen more (persistently political) protests here in a week than in my 18 years in Singapore put together! (haha I definitely don't mean to sound condescending about political apathy at home or trivialise protests or anything, but it's all so...novel I cannot help but gawk and then blog about it.)

there was a anti-scientology protest opposite the church of scientology which is near my hall, it was kind of funny and -_- because they positioned themselves blatantly opposite the church of scientology so the members were ignoring the protesters and the protesters all had (mostly guy fawkes) masks on and seemed to be having a lot of fun actually. and there were baleful policemen standing around monitoring the situation (boredly, I bet they'd seen it all before) and keeping the road closed.

and on the way to school today for my IR100 class I saw a Kashmiri independence protest outside the high commission of India today (which is en route to LSE, which I only discovered was the high commission of India after I saw the protest today.) banners and flyers and slogans and chanting WHAT DO WE WANT? FREEDOM! WHAT DO WE WANT? FREEDOM! etc and all. I was like...zomg this is A level international history come to life. so naturally I took a photo. and then proceeded to tell my similarly interested IR classmate/s about it when I reached class.

( protests plus vaguely political photos )

▪ other things about London: heehee I use theatres as landmarks for getting around. eg if I want to get back from chinatown I must pass the Spamalot theatre and the Hairspray theatre. the Lion King theatre means I'm on the right track back to my hall from covent gardens after OCF, and I pass Dirty Dancing, Imagine This and Hairspray (in that order) from LSE to my hall.

( theatres )

▪ it's getting colder though! (which means more coats and scarves yay.) and darker, earlier, which takes getting used to. I think there'll come a point where I will actually go for my FIRST class of the day in darkness (on tuesdays I start at 3pm) -_-

▪ in a move reminiscent of how I jumped ship from GP/H2 math to KI, I dropped my political theory module and took up the philosophy module. for some inexplicable reason political theory bored me beyond words. and after sitting in for one of the philosophy lectures I was sold (again!) this means I will be bringing back my KI notes after the december break, haha. IR, however, is ♥♥♥.

▪ also dropped by the British Museum today after school because I had the afternoon free and didn't want to go back to my room just yet. it's five minutes from my hall. I love the fact that I can actually say that I "hung out" at the museum! roamed most of the ground floor, liked the greek mythology stuff because I actually know about it, but my favourite item is still...the cat.

▪ I MISS CATS. THERE ARE NO CATS (stray or otherwise) HERE. AT ALL. ONLY DOGS. ):

▪ there are, however, comics shops. I pass by two comics shops on the way to school. occasionally I wander into them which always always makes me feel happy. :D plus there's also this...unspoken understanding of a shared geekdom/fraternity between the customers/shopkeeper/etc hahaha.

( comics yatta )

▪ Tesco really is (relatively) very, very cheap.

▪ I really like H&M.

( ▪ A photo or two more )

so um in conclusion, London might be aloneful but at least it's exciting and interesting haha.

YAY I GOT AN EMAIL FROM MISS NG (or more accurately, MISS NG REPLIED MY EMAIL!) which makes me many kinds of happy because I was just saying how much I miss SEA history under her :D :D :D

today I saw a Uniquely Singapore black cab, ie one of those typical black London cabs with the Uniquely Singapore ad on it. aww. I also realised today that the area of London I frequent hardly has any kids at all because it's in the heart of the city, where people just work and don't live (except for students), and is really expensive.

I miss studying SEA history ): IR is fantastic and all but it's so eurocentric! (lol duh.) Decol was such a huge deal to us but I doubt we're actually gonna touch it at all. learning about the other side of the world instead of the world I grew up in is so...alien :P

also I tried watching one episode of gossip girl and OMG I HATE IT; it anti-resonates with me on so many levels I can't even begin to describe it. definitely not a show for me.

I am having way more fun than is normal, hunting down the readings on my reading list for my courses. I'm concurrently tackling my four courses' reading lists, and it's so FUN going to the library and finding the books listed and checking them out and photocopying the relevant chapters, or clicking around online to find the journal articles I need and exporting them to PDF and saving them to my hard drive and printing them. and noting down the authors and book titles, and filing them under the right files and dividers...everything but actually reading them lol.

seriously I am revelling in the admin-ness of it all. I should have been a secretary or something, I love organising paper haha.

today while hurrying to the right Tube platform there was a busking violinist playing pachelbel's canon and it was so sweet and so wonderful because the music was reverberating through the underground passageways plus it was really cold and windy outside so the indoor passageways were already a warm, welcome relief. then I alighted at the next station and there was a saxophonist playing another classical piece that I don't know the name of. *_* and I like reading the poems displayed inside the Tube carriages, haha. plus the fact that I almost always get a seat when I take the Tube. okay la I really really like the Tube. :P

hmmm let's see. I went for the fresher's fair today and signed up for too many societies (five, including the Democrat society o_o) and an Economist subscription- not sure if I should've done the latter, especially since the latest issues are apparently available at the IR common room which I have access to. but £186 spread over three years is actually...pretty decent? £62 a year? £5.17 a month? out of the £970 I get? I attempt to convince myself.

I've also met my personal tutor (who will mark all my IR essays) and my student mentor (an IR senior who really is the year two russian who I found on google). the coming week is a lecture-only week, tutorials (called classes) start the week after next, so I'm going to spend next week attending a heck load of lectures lol- anyone can attend any lecture!!- just to see what they're like. after which I'll probably gradually stop going for most of them :P

yesterday I was basically stuck in the bathroom (sounds more refined than 'toilet' lol) diarrhoea-ing ten times in total...unfortunately my stomach cannot take cream yet ): still not recovered fully after the food poisoning!

more things I am finding out:
- as an IR first year student, I am entitled to one free certified language course. which would otherwise cost me £205. zomg the (oft-suppressed) kiam queen in me is rejoicing.
- just down the road from my hall, less than a minute away, is the Senate House library which is apparently excellent for IR and excellent for studying. :) :) :)